November 22nd, 2009

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November 17th, 2009

04:51 pm - So... I broke up with my boyfriend on Friday. I wasn't happy and it just wasn't working. The truth is that he could make me happy, I know he could, but I don't want *him* to make me happy. I didn't tell him that because I don't want to hurt him more than I already have. I'm goign to give him time, and we're going to try to be friends. I know we can be. I told him that I don't want him waiting around for me, that if he meets someone, he shouldn't be afraid to date them. I mean, just because we're not together now doesn't mean we won't be in the future. It simply means that we aren't good together right now. I hope that he can understand that. And then, it's like I committed a horrible. Half of my friends are syaing that we should get beak together. They're not gettiong that I wasn't happy, and if I stayed in the relationship with him, I wouldn't have been.I just wish that people would get that already. Current Mood: okay Current Music: Ain't No Rest For The Wicked--Cage the Elephant

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November 10th, 2009

06:44 pm - Feelings... So, I'm still dating my boyfriend of over a year. But lately, we've been having trouble. I'm not all that happy, and I have a feeling he's not either. He says that he can make me happy, and I think that he could. But I don't want him to. I want someone else too. A guy that goes to my church. He's two years younger than me, but we just get along so well. We click. I told my boyfriend today I wasn't leaving him. It's just...I don't know. I want for the first time in my life to put myself first and to make myself happy. But it feels like at the same time he's trying to guilt trip and pressure me to stay in the relationship. He's not meaning to, but it feels that way. He talks like if we're not together, there's no life for him, and it sucks and I feel like shit because I don't feel the same way. My boyfriend's important to me. I want him to be happy. I would hope that he would want to same thing. Even if we weren't having trouble, if he came up to me tomorrow and told me that this wasn't working, that he wasn't happy, I'd let him go, because I love and I want him to be happy. I'm going to give us some more time, and if I'm not happy, then I'll end it. I just don't want to hurt him. I want him to go out and find somebody new and someone who'll be better for him. Current Mood: confused

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November 3rd, 2009

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November 1st, 2009

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October 27th, 2009

04:46 pm - Writer's Block: Seeing stars Dr. Derek "McDreamy" Sheperd Current Mood: content Tags: date with a star, dream date, writer's block

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October 20th, 2009

03:04 pm So, I went to go see a counselor. Which is not what I wanted. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, and he's nice, but I wanted to see an actual therapist. One that could help me professionally, and who could tell me what was wrong with me. But I guess not. I know why my mom took me to a counselor. One, because he's free. So he won't show up on the bills. That way my dad won't find out and get upset. The second is that since he's free, she won't have to worry about money. I know therapist's are expensive. But I wanted once, just one fucking time, for my parents to put what I want or what I need over money. It;s kind of like, to me, saying, yeah, I know you have problems and need help, but I'm too worried about the dollar signs to get you real help. Oh, and I guess my mom didn't put that cat outside, but my parents still made me give her away. It seems like my parents never think about what I want and the never consult me about anything. But, hey, they've been doing it for seventeen years, why stop now? M.E.S Current Mood: okay Current Music: The Crow and the Butterfly--Shinedown

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03:02 pm - Writer's Block: Bucket list I would go see Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Italy, France, buy every book I could, and just have more fun that I've ever had. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Shindedown Tags: bucket list, writer's block

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October 17th, 2009

12:48 pm - Lies... So, my mom lied to me. Straight to my face. We found a little kitten outside about a month ago. She's been having a little trouble using the litter box, and her and our other cat, a boy, don't exactly get along so well. Last week, me and my dad were leaving for school, and who do I see right outside our house, but Socks, the cat we found. My mom said that she was taking some garbage out the night before, and she must've slipped out then. Okay. I can accept that. But this morning, I get up and go downstairs. My mom mentions that Socks didn't use the litter box three times last night. So, I ask where she is, and my mom says she doesn't know, that she smacked her after she saw the accidents and that Socks was probably hiding. Okay, I can accept that again. But, I was down in the basement, and we have windows with little spaces in front of them than can allow you to see into our basement. Stray cats have climbs in there before, since it's warm during winter. So, I'm in the basement, and I hear a meow. I look around, and who do I see in the window but Socks. So, I run outside and lean down in front of our back porch which is over the windows and call her name, and she comes out and I take her back inside. Now I know that my mother told a lie right to my face. And it pisses me off. So, you want to give her away? Fine, I won't like it, but I'll do it. Don't throw her outside when it's forty degrees outside and then lie right to my face about it. Have more decency than that. M.E.S Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: Journey

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11:40 am - Writer's Block: Nothing to fear but fear itself My biggest fear is honestly being left for someone else. That and leeches. Current Mood: hopeful Tags: fear, writer's block

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October 11th, 2009

08:01 pm - Writer's Block: The one that got away Yes, I totally believe in soul mates and one true loves, and I hope I've found mine. Current Mood: calm Tags: one that got away, soulmate, the one, writer's block

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October 6th, 2009

07:20 pm - Writer's Block: Concert mania There's two bands...one, Journey, because I love them, and two would be Within Temptations. Current Mood: drained Current Music: Cowboy Casanova--Carrie Underwood Tags: band, music, writer's block

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September 23rd, 2009

09:12 pm - Writer's Block: Do you prefer a tent or a luxury hotel? Camping, for sure. Current Mood: chipper Tags: camp, hippie, hotel, luxury, naturalist, outdoors, resort, writer's block

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September 14th, 2009

05:26 pm - Writer's Block: My Dream Job My dream job would be a journalist writing for animals rights and maybe an author. Current Mood: content Tags: dream job, monster, monster jobs, writer's block

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September 8th, 2009

03:07 pm - I'm Done So, this weekend, all my siblings came down to celebrate my parents anniversary in October. My brother, Josh, met my boyfriend for the first time. It went well. At first. On Saturday, I went out with my sisters and sister-in-law. Apparently, during the time I was gone, something happened. My boyfriend, meaning no offense whatsoever, said some things that upset my brother and my sister's husband. My brother then went ahead and told everyone that my boyfriend was talking shit about my sister, which wasn't the case at all. So, on Sunday, I'm all upset and just really fucking depressed because it would make things a lot easier if my siblings actually liked my boyfriend, which I'm one-hundred percent sure that none of them so. But my sister, the one who everyone thought my boyfriend was talking about, approached me. She asked if my boyfriend made me happy. I answered yes. She said then that's all that matters. She told me to just say fuck it about everyone else, and I'm taking her advice. I'm done. I don't give a fucking rat's ass what they think of me anymore, or my boyfriend. I'm just going to say fuck it. I love him, and just because they don't like him and had a misunderstanding, doesn't mean I'm going to dump him. Hell no. As long as he'll have me, I'm his. M.E.S Current Mood: cranky Current Music: Can't Fight This Feeling--Chicago

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September 3rd, 2009

04:40 pm - Excited! Sp, this weekend, to celebrate my parents anniversary (Thirty years in October), all my brothers and sisters are coming here! I'm so excited! We hardly ever get to be together at the same time, and it's always a lot of fun when we do. This will be my brother-in-law's first real experience at this, so it'll be interesting to watch. Plus, my school gets out two hours early tomorrow, so that's a bonus, and we get Monday off. If I don't have any homework, this will be the perfect weekend! I hope everyone has an awesome Labor Day Weekend! M.E.S Current Mood: excited Current Music: Something Like That--Tim McGraw

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September 1st, 2009

05:23 pm - Writer's Block: As the Cookie Crumbles Always keep your head up like you nose is bleeding. Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Me First and the Gimme Gimmes Tags: writer's block

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August 28th, 2009

04:35 pm - First two days of school down So, the first two days of my senior year have been okay. I didn't get a locker until today, because my homeroom teach was a little behind yesterday, but it wasn't too bad. But they also announced yesterday that to help with bus traffic at the end of school, if you're on first bus run, you'll be released at 2:20. If you ride, drive, walk, or are on second bus run, you have to wait until 2:25. It's so flippin' stupid. I mean, if you ride with your parents, it's not so bad. But if you drive, like my boyfriend does, you have to wait in the student parking lot for at least fifteen minutes. It's incredibly frustrating. But the high point of my day yesterday was seeing my friend, whom I haven't seen all summer. We have the same lunch, so I walk in there yesterday, and she's standing with my boyfriend, and I'm all "Amber!" and she says my name, and we run to each other, hug fiercely, and then talk excitedly for most of lunch. It was great. M.E.S Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Never Think--Robert Pattinson

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04:34 pm - Writer's Block: Mix and Mingle When I'm enrvous like that, I tend to just smile a lot, extremely stupidly. Current Mood: bouncy Tags: writer's block

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